If you're getting divorced, it's almost a forgone conclusion that you've had trouble communicating effectively with your spouse. It's also likely that in broaching the subject of divorce, you'll fall into the same pattern of interaction that characterizes your other conversations. That is, it's likely to end up in a fight, with bad feeling and animosity on both sides. Needless to say, this isn't the best way to approach the subject.
Instead, consider having a consultation first with a qualified New York matrimonial attorney. This will accomplish several things...
First, it'll give you a chance to vent a bit, and blow off some of the steam that might otherwise inflame any discussion with your spouse or partner.
Second, it will give you an opportunity to get some advice on what not to say, which may later have a significant influence on your legal position.
And third, you'll get a chance to know exactly where you stand, and how strong or weak your case is. Then you'll be in a better position to begin the process, starting with the initial phase of announcing that you intend to end the relationship. Your attorney will then be able to handle matters from that point on.